These are words said by social supports to the bereaved, or uttered by the bereaved, meant to assuage the pains of loss, but which worsen the bereaved pains.
Published in Chapter:
When a Balm Aggravates Pain: The Wrong Words to the Bereaved in Grief and Trauma Counselling
Onijuni Olatomide (Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile-Ife, Nigeria)
Copyright: © 2024
|Pages: 16
DOI: 10.4018/979-8-3693-1375-6.ch005
Abstract
The death of a beloved person usually traumatises the bereaved, causing grief. Remarkably, social supports—family members, friends, religious faithful, clergies, neighbours, and sympathisers—give available support, rich in physical, social, and psychological contents. Words are normally used to convey their support during their visits to the bereaved. However, contrary to expectation that their words would heal the bereaved, such words could eventually aggravate their grief condition. Not only could such words emanate from outside of the bereaved—they could also issue from the bereaved, but producing the same lethality. This chapter provides some of those aggravating words such as “This is a catastrophe,” “Again?” “Just forget about it,” “I know exactly how you feel,” and “you should have …,” etc. It similarly offers systematic steps on how rehabilitative counsellors could assist social support and the bereaved to acknowledge the dangers inherent in such words, and how to recast them for desirable therapeutic effect.