Abstract
There are approximately 13 million women in the United States who are currently stepmothers, yet the literature on the lived experiences of stepmothers remains scant, and existing literature disproportionately emphasizes the challenges. This chapter explores the lived experiences of women working to stepmother consciously and effectually as they navigate some of the complex family dynamics inherent to stepmotherhood in a psychotherapy setting. Among the dynamics unique to stepmothering that will be explored are the role ambiguities stepmothers face when there is a biological mother, managing feelings of powerlessness, and emotionally attuning to stepchildren's concerns about being replaced by their father. Implications for clinical strategies and key areas of consideration that may benefit women looking to “successfully” stepmother are underscored.
TopBackground
In the United States, it is estimated that there are currently 13 million women in the role of stepmother (Scholtz & Spies, 2023) and 10.5 million stepchildren who reside at least 50% of the time with stepfamilies (Stewart & Timothy, 2020). Further, cohabitation and non-marital childbearing are increasingly more common (Sassler & Miller, 2017). Stepfamilies are found across race, ethnicity, social class, and sexual orientations (Stewart, 2007). Indeed, today, so called “nontraditional” families (i.e. single-parent families, same-sex couples, single adult households, and stepfamilies) now outnumber “traditional” families in American life (Coontz, 2015).
Key Terms in this Chapter
Typology: Classifications used by psychologists to describe the distinctions between people
Intrapsychic: Pertaining to impulses, ideas, conflicts, or other psychological phenomena that arise or occur within the psyche or mind
Operationalize: To turn abstract conceptual ideas into measurable observations
Role Ambiguity: The lack of clarity in understanding the actions to be taken to achieve proposed individual goals.
Ego Strength: The ability to tolerate frustration and stress, postpone gratification, modify selfish desires when necessary, and resolve internal conflicts and emotional problems.
Lifespan Development: The study of how humans, learn, mature and adapt from infancy to adulthood to the elderly phases of life.
Anticipatory Grief: Sorrow and anxiety experienced by someone who expects an imminent loss.
Holding Environment: A psychological space that is both safe and uncomfortable that allows a person to deal with affects that might potentially be overwhelming.
Enmeshment: A condition in which two or more people, typically family members, are involved in each other’s activities and personal relationships to an excessive degree, thus limiting or precluding healthy interaction and compromising individual autonomy and identity.