My Path to L2 Identity: Reflections on My Bilingual Life as an English Language Learner and Itinerant Teacher

Introduction

Dr. Mustafa Mahmoud, an Egyptian doctor, philosopher, and author, noted that “the discovery of one’s true identity is not a simple thing, but it is a discovery more difficult than the conquest of space” (Mahmoud, 1966, p.71). As broadly acknowledged, identity is a tough concept to define because it is complex and evolves as one grows (Nematzadeh & Narafshan, 2020; Anwaruddin, 2012; Andrade, 2007). Sykes (2014) supports these ideas by arguing that “As society continues to grow more pluralistic, issues of ethnic identity may become increasingly more complicated, especially in academic settings” (p.3). Thus, with the new languages we learn, we may also develop, consciously or unconsciously, new identities. From the perspective of Social Identity Theory, as Nematzadeh and Narafshan (2020) report, “an individual’s identity and self-image are driven based on their association and membership to a particular group or community” (p.2). As there are many levels to the concept of identity, we can also understand that a big part of what makes us “us” as individuals is the meaning we use to utter our words. For example, I struggled when I first moved to the U.S. as a graduate student, as I felt that my L1 influence was still predominant. However, despite my initial feelings of isolation, becoming acculturated in the second language reduced my sense of alienation using English as a foreign language. As such, to prepare for more globalized bilingual teacher identities, it is important to recognize how we construct both learner and teacher identities (Yazan, 2019, p.39). In this regard, reflecting on past learning and teaching experiences in diverse contexts can help educators get a clearer vision of the type of professional identity that various learning contexts require. As professional identities are always evolving, I write this autoethnography to understand how my L2 identity has emerged from my life experiences as a bilingual English language learner and teacher in diverse cultural contexts. More specifically, I aim to examine how my experienced emotions and exposure to a second language in diverse settings and throughout various stages of my life have influenced my motivation for learning, and later my teaching practices. Thus, this chapter aims to share insight into the construction of learner and teacher identities through the learning of a second language. The chapter also aims to share the understanding of learner and teacher constructed identities within the frameworks of the learner’s emotions and professional identity development.